I recently read a very interesting article on moms who suffer from anxiety or PPD, who tend to wake their babies unnecessarily. It is understanding that holding their babies is emotionally comforting.

Katherine Stone writes, “ Sleep. If you’ve got postpartum depression or anxiety, you need it. No matter how many therapy sessions you go to or what kind of medication you may take to treat it, if you’re not getting enough rest it’s nearly impossible to recover from PPD. Thing is, insomnia is a symptom of postpartum depression. It’s hard to get sleep when you have problems sleeping! Not only that, but now there’s a new study from the University of Pennsylvania that finds that moms with postpartum depression are more likely to wake their babies up in the middle of the night, too.

Researchers watched the behavior of 45 families by installing cameras in nurseries and bedrooms. They found that new moms with depression or anxiety were more likely to respond to every little sound, and to wake their babies up either to feed them or to move them to their own bed even when the babies didn’t need it.

In an interview with Bonnie Rochman of Time, the study’s lead author Douglas Teti said, “… these moms would spend more time with their babies at night, nursing them and lying next to them even when they were not upset, in what Teti calls ‘proactive maternal behavior’ that was not observed in non-depressed moms. Non-depressed moms, on the other hand, only went to their babies in the middle of the night if they were crying.”

Why? Two theories. One is that the mothers’ own anxiety is causing them to be overprotective of their babies. The other is that the mothers themselves find emotional comfort in connecting with their babies by holding them, feeding them and laying with them.

As someone who has experienced postpartum depression, both of those theories make sense to me.  I was what my doctor called “hypervigilant,” meaning I couldn’t relax or stop worrying about my baby and my ability to parent. I was continually worried about my little guy’s health. Was he growing enough? Was he eating enough? Was I caring for him properly? This led me to fuss over him a lot more than the average mom might.

At the same time, during a period in my life when I was devastatingly ill with PPD, I often felt comfort in just holding my infant. I preferred letting him sleep on my chest to putting him in the crib, and I got a lot of comfort out of that even though it meant I couldn’t sleep while he was doing it.

This study is important because it may help identify the root cause of later sleep problems in children. Perhaps this in turn will lead to a more proactive plan to identify women who have postpartum depression and develop better treatments and support services to help them.”

Postpartum depression is extremely common. It is hard to know if you fall into this category because every mom goes through an adjustment period. Regardless, every new mom can use a helping hand.

Co-sleeping is is a term which basically means sharing a bed with your baby. It is a choice that many parents are in favour of, and there are also those who are adamantly against it.

Parent s who choose this approach feel that it helps babies fall asleep, it makes it easier for moms who are nursing, and it nurtures the bond between baby and mother.

For those parents who think otherwise, they believe that babies become overly dependent on parents to fall asleep and more importantly, co-sleeping is can be dangerous. Studies have shown that there is a chance that parents can accidentally roll onto their babies, babies can suffocate on the bedding, or babies could get caught between the mattress and headboard.

Many parents believe that it is possible to get some of the benefits of co-sleeping without having their baby sleep with them in their bed. Setting up a bassinet beside the parents’ bed, or a crib close by are both good options.

For parents who choose co-sleeping, please make sure that the mattress fits snuggly into the frame, that there is limited bedding with few pillows and that headboard does not have any cutouts where the baby can possibly get stuck. Most importantly, do not sleep with a baby if you have taken any drugs, alcohol, or any other substances that may affect your ability to respond to your baby adequately. Please note that co-sleeping is more dangerous when there is more than one child in the parents’ bed.

Do you co-sleep with your baby? Please feel free to share your sleep experience with other first-time parents!

So what is it about babies’ sleep that makes it such a debated topic, with so many different views and approaches? There’s the “crying–it-out” method, the “no-cry sleep solution”, “controlled crying”, and it goes on.  What is it that makes people feel so passionate, or defensive, or embarrassed when it comes to discussing babies’ sleep? It can be exciting when you figure out what works for you and what makes the most sense to you. So exciting that you want to broadcast it and encourage others to try it. (Or maybe you don’t, because you’re worried that if you talk about it, it will all fall apart!) It’s also possible that you don’t want to talk about it at all because you’re totally exhausted and nothing seems to be working. Whatever the case may be, there are many different sleep approaches out there, and what works for you may not necessarily work for someone else. There isn’t a right sleep approach or a wrong one. Unfortunately, there will always be people who will let you know that there is a better way, or even that your way is the wrong way. But thankfully, there is one thing with which we will all concur, that our children’s well being is the most important and we will always try to do our best to maintain that.

So, keeping your babies’ welfare in mind, you will read, practice, take polls with complete strangers, read more, try something else, speak to the person in front of you in line, read more and it goes on and on.

The point is, you will always be searching and gathering new information that will help you on your lifelong journey of looking after your children.  I am hoping to give you even more information to help you navigate through all the different sleep approaches, so that you will ultimately find the one that suits you. After all, everyone loves and benefits from having a great night’s sleep and waking up fresh as a daisy!

“What should I do if my baby won’t lie down in the crib?”

I am often asked this question. Sometimes a baby won’t lie down, but sometimes they can’t. At around 8 months, a baby reaches the exciting milestone of standing. How wonderful! Except not so exciting for mom and dad at 3:00 a.m. when she is showing off her new trick and she’s stuck because she doesn’t know how to get back down! You can simply lie your baby back down, but I would predict that within minutes, you will be back in her room, putting her back down again. Another option is to teach her during the day how to get from a standing position into a sitting position. Once your baby masters this, she will have no problem lying down from a sitting position.

Then there is the baby who simply refuses to lie down. Forcefully putting her down and holding her there,  will just make her more upset. Whatever you decide to do, it has to be in a gentle way. You can start by hugging your baby or rubbing her back, gently trying to coax her to lie down. Do not pick her up, even if she is pleading with you to do so. Stand close by and keep soothing her until she lies back down. This will take a lot of patience on your part, but keep at it. Eventually, she will lie down.

Note: Please be aware that once your baby is able to stand in the crib, it is time to put the mattress on the lowest setting. You may also want to consider removing the bumper pads, which babies often will use as a step to climb out!

Making sure that your child is safe while sleeping is something that you, as a parent, must always keep in mind.

Sudden Infant Death (SIDS), or crib death, is every parent’s worst nightmare. Researchers have found that most crib deaths occur in babies under 6 months old. As a baby gets older, the risk is reduced. SIDS occurs when a baby is sleeping and can happen during the night, but also in the day during naptime. There are a number of steps parents can take in order to reduce the chance of this tragedy from happening.

• A baby is the safest if she is put to sleep on her back. At 6 months, she will begin to roll and it is hard to control her position. Even so, when you put her down to sleep at the beginning of the night, you should still put her down on her back.
• Do not smoke during pregnancy. The risk of SIDS increases with a mom or dad who smoke.
• Do not smoke around your baby – you, or anyone else. SIDS is more common in babies who are regularly exposed to smoke.
• Do not clutter your baby’s crib. Avoid pillows, large stuffed animals, duvets or comforters. Keep your baby’s head uncovered and make sure any bedding (cotton blanket) is tucked in no higher than your baby’s shoulders. If you use a grow bag, make sure it fits well so that your baby cannot slide down inside.
• Never sleep with a baby on a couch or armchair.
• Do not sleep with your baby if you or your partner smokes, if you or your partner has been drinking alcohol, if you or your partner takes medication that makes you drowsy, or if you or your partner is very tired. In addition, do not sleep with a baby who was premature (under 37 weeks) or small at birth.

If you would like more information, you can visit The Canadian Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths.

*Breast tenderness and breast feels hot when touched

*Pain or burning while breastfeeding

*Skin redness that looks like an uneven line across the breast

*Flu like symptoms (muscle ache and fever)

If you suspect that you have mastitis, you should contact your doctor immediately.  Oral antibiotics are an effective way of treating this condition, along with hot compresses, which seem to offer some quick relief.

I don’t think I can sum this up any more clearly than an article I read recently by Anne Douglas, an acclaimed author of many parenting books.

There are numerous approaches to children’s sleep, which can often be daunting and also confusing when parents are trying to find a method, which is most suitable for them. Below you will find a mini review of the most popular books on the market today. Hopefully, this will help you make a more informed choice.

Ferber: The Sleep Guru Who Gave Birth to a Verb

How many of us can make that kind of claim? That kind of puts Ferber in a league of his own

Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems: New, Revised, and Expanded Edition by Richard Ferber, M.D.: Dr. Ferber’s classic guide to sleep training. The Ferber method is one of the few methods to have been studied in clinical trials. It has been proven to reduce the severity of postpartum depression in a group of depressed mothers in Australia. That’s not to say the method is good, bad, or the right one for you. I’m just pointing out that we actually have some clinical data about this method. Note: Wendy Hall, a UBC researcher, has pointed out, quite rightly, that we need a lot more research into the relative merits of various sleep training methods. She says it’s no wonder we have so much conflicting evidence — and that parents are so confused. She says we need to treat sleep research as a priority, just as we treat nutritional research.

Karp, Mindell, Weissbluth, and Pantley

Four of the Big Names in Baby Sleep Books

The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer by Harvey Karp, MD: This book provides excellent advice about soothing fussy babies and helping them to get the sleep they need.

Sleeping Through the Night, Revised Edition: How Infants, Toddlers, and Their Parents Can Get a Good Night’s Sleep by Jodi Mindell, PhD: Jodi Mindell does a fabulous job of explaining infant sleep patterns and all of her sleep recommendations/tips are solidly backed by research. Her tone is warm and reassuring and her credentials are impeccable. (She is one of America’s top sleep experts.) Even if you find the cry-it-out method a bit too tough, you can still pick up plenty of valuable information from Mindell’s book.

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc S. Weissbluth, M.D.: Marc Weissbluth’s book has a lot of useful information on how sleep cycles evolve in babies and young children and what parents can do to promote healthy sleep habits. You don’t have to agree with everything he says in this book or decide to use his sleep training methods to glean very valuable information from this book that you can then apply to your child/family’s situation. Consider this a really solid “sleep science” title.

The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night by Elizabeth Pantley: No sleep book list these days would be complete without a mention of Elizabeth Pantley’s bestselling guide to infant sleep. The book’s key strength is Pantley’s explanation of gentle infant soothing techniques, like helping a baby to be less dependent on the breast for falling asleep. Pantley has done a great job of summarizing a lot of “mother wisdom” on sleep (e.g., pretending to be asleep when baby wants to nurse during the night when you’re cosleeping to see if baby will settle on his/her own). The title is a bit misleading, given that Pantley herself allows for crying in the book; and the book encourages inconsistency rather than consistency in sleep training, something that goes against the basic principles of behavior modification. (Pantley repeatedly tells parents that they should go back to what they were doing before if her plan isn’t working.) Ideally, it should be considered a sleep-soothing rather than a sleep-training resource (more in the category of a “Happiest Baby” book).

More “Gentle” Sleep Books

From Sears to The Sleep Lady

Sleeping with Your Baby: A Parent’s Guide to Co-Sleeping by James McKenna: The ultimate attachment parenting sleep book, James McKenna’s book is the first research-based book for parents that is fully dedicated to the subject of co-sleeping. McKenna is the director of the Mother-Baby Sleep Laboratory at the University of Notre Dame.

Good Night, Sleep Tight: The Sleep Lady’s Gentle Guide to Helping Your Child Go to Sleep, Stay Asleep and Wake Up Happy by Kim West: This book presents a very realistic gentle sleep solution. I like the fact that “The Sleep Lady” (a.k.a. Kim West) states in her introduction that while she’s very much in favor of minimizing crying, she can’t guarantee that all crying will be avoidable for all babies. This is a realistic statement and helps to remove some of the unnecessary guilt that has been injected into the sleep discussion over the past few years.

Nighttime Parenting: How to Get Your Baby and Child to Sleep by William Sears, M.D.: This book is a classic — the book that helped me to gain a perspective on the sleep issue back when I found myself pacing the floor with my colicky first-born!

In Search of Sleep: Straight Talk About Babies, Toddlers and Night Waking by Bonny Reichert: This is one of the more sensible books to be written on sleep over the years, but one that not too many people know about. I really like the down-to-earth, friendly tone and the fact that the author isn’t promoting a particular sleep agenda. The author isn’t offering a sleep program per se but rather explaining to parents why it takes babies time to learn how to sleep through the night and why this process shouldn’t be rushed.

Sleep — Your Relationship With Your Partner — And You

Family-centered guides to sleep — and life in the real world — don’t miss these two

The Sleepeasy Solution: The Exhausted Parent’s Guide to Getting Your Child to Sleep from Birth to Age 5 by Jennifer Waldburger and Jill Spivack: One of the newest arrivals on the sleep book shelf. What makes this book stand out is the fact that it’s clearly written to both mom and dad (as opposed to just mom). After all, sleep is both parents’ problem — or it will be soon, if mom gets too sleep deprived. The book assumes that the couple is heterosexual (hence the “marriage-saver” advice). It’s a great idea to get both partners talking about sleep, ideally before baby arrives, so if you’re planning to buy this guide for a friend, make it a pre-baby purchase.

Sleep Solutions for Your Baby, Toddler and Preschooler: The Ultimate No-Worry Approach for Each Age and Stage (Mother of All Solutions) by Ann Douglas: This one is my book. I don’t favor any one sleep training method. I think that would be kind of presumptuous of me, given that I’ve never had the privilege of meeting you or your baby and I don’t know anything about your parenting style, your family’s circumstances, or your child’s age/developmental stage. Instead, I provide you with an explanation of the science behind each of the major sleep training schools of thought (and an indication of how each method might mesh with your parenting philosophies) so you can make up your mind for yourself. Sleep safety (including current guidelines about baby sleep positioners) and sleep disorders such as baby sleep apnea are addressed. The book also features stories, anecdotes, and tips from the more than 200 parents who served as members of the parent advisory panel for the book.They talk about how unprepared they felt for the sleep deprivation of early parenthood, how judged they felt by other parents if those parents made other sleep choices than they did (“You can’t talk sleep training with other parents.” one mom concluded. “It’s like religion and politics.”); about co-sleeping (both pro and con), co-parenting (partners who were helpful and partners who were not), and the “high stakes” feeling that surrounds the whole sleep debate.

A consistent bedtime routine is one of the most valuable tools you will have as a parent. I understand that sometimes you might be too tired to bother, or your child may not be cooperating enough to go through the whole thing.  Even so, you should try your best to stick to the routine and if necessary, you can do the abridged version! As your baby gets older, the time it takes to go through the whole routine may change, but the basic components stay the same.

There are several elements to keep in mind at bedtime:

• Bedtime routine should last anywhere from 15 – 60 minutes, and naptime from 10 -20 minutes.
• Perform the whole routine in the same room where your child will be sleeping. This will make your routine run more smoothly.
• All of the more active playtime should be done before the bath. Have fun, but start winding down at bath time.
• Try to do all the parts of the routine in the same order each time. Your child will learn to recognize all the cues and soon, everything will flow smoothly.

So what are the components of a good bedtime routine?

Bath time – I recommend bathing every night, not only because it has a calming effect, but also because your baby or toddler can get food stuck in places you never could imagine!

Massage – Babies love to be gently massaged. I encourage you to start this practice early, before any fussiness starts. You will notice the calming effect it has, both on you and your baby.

Nursing or bottle – Try your best to feed in the middle of the routine, in order to avoid having your child fall asleep while eating. (I realize that this is not always easy, but keep it in mind).

Books – Children love looking at books from a very early age. When they are infants they like gazing at the shapes and colours and as they get older, they enjoy the stories.  Even though they may not always have the patience, you can always cut the activity short. Try ending off with the same book each time, as your child will take that as a cue that it’s soon time to sleep.

Songs or lullabies – A few of soft quiet songs act icing on the cake. By the time you’re finished, your child will be well on his or her way to “lala land”.

There are parents who swear by giving their baby one last feed before going off to sleep themselves. The dream feed is typically between 10 and 11 PM and it is usually  3 -4 hours after the final feed of the day.

Baby is fed, either by breast or bottle, then put right back to sleep. The idea is that baby sleeps through the whole thing. The belief is that this feed will help the baby sleep for a longer stretch of time.

So the question is, is this effective and should I do it?

Nicole Johnson explains:

“For some people, a dream feed will be a Godsend. This is how it works: Baby goes to sleep around 7 p.m., you dream feed (feed the baby when he is asleep) around 10 p.m. before you go to bed, and baby might sleep until 4 or 6 a.m. or later, giving you a glorious 6 to 8 hours of sleep straight. Go to bed early and have your partner/spouse give the dream feed and you can get even more sleep! When it works, a dream feed is a wonderful thing. Unfortunately, they don’t always work.

As I explained how we sleep, that the first part of the night is the deepest sleep of the night for all babies and children over 4 months (approximately). Therefore, it might be very difficult to rouse your baby enough to feed any old time you want to. Some babies will awaken just enough to eat and stay asleep, but others might not wake up enough and others will wake up too much and be somewhat cranky that you woke them up (especially if they aren’t hungry!). Another way sometimes a dream feed doesn’t work is that even if you can successfully feed your baby, even when she didn’t ask for a feeding, is that she might also wake up at 2 a.m. (or whenever) anyway. Some babies also tend to wake up more frequently after waking up the first time of the night.”

As you will discover with many aspects of parenting, it comes down to trial and error. Dream feeds may work beautifully for some parents, but not so well for others. Some parents may even feel that “dream feeding” goes against the idea of “feeding on demand”, because baby may not necessarily be hungry when you decide it’s time for a “dream feed”.

It doesn’t hurt to give it a try!